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Once upon a time, there was a lonely boy living in a boring town. He was an only child, so when he was at home (which was where he spent most of his free time), he had no one his age to talk to. So his parents bought him a dog to keep him company. After this, the boy's mood greatly improved, and he took his dog on walks almost every day.
One day, when he was taking his pooch for a stroll around the neighborhood, an old man yelled to him from across the street. "Hey sonny boy," the man shouted, "come over yonder! I wanna see that there poochie!" Of course, this type of behavior would probably seem suspicious to most. But this boy was not very perceptive. "Coming!" he yelled without a moment's hesitation, as he ran across the street, being narrowly missed by a car that he was too oblivious to notice.
He rushed to the old man with his dog, panting for breath as he arrived at his doorstep. An eagle screeched as it passed by overhead. "What is it?" the child asked frantically. The man just chuckled and began stroking the hair of his dog. "Well, I'll be golly-danged!" he exclaimed, "this dog had done got the shaggiest hair ya ever did see, now, huh?"
The boy took a closer look at his dog. Reaching his small hand into the coat of his pet, he suddenly realized just how unbelievably shaggy his dog really was. "Wow," he gasped, "I never saw that!" Like I already explained, this boy wasn't too perceptive.
"Now I tell ya what, son," the old man began, "there's a local contest, there is, about seein' what dog's the shaggiest of all of 'em. Bet reckon your pup's got a chance if ya done entered him into that."
"Good idea," the kid yelled, and before you could say...well, 'shaggy dog,' the kid had disappeared into the distance. "And that poor child didn't say no thanks that ol' grampa helped him out. Golly-dang and confound these kids nowadays!"
That very day, the boy, with much hope, signed his dog up to compete in the local shaggy dog contest. The next two weeks' anticipation tortured the boy, but at last, the big day came, and the boy was eager to compete.
In a car, the boy hardly noticed his beautiful surroundings, for his mind was fully occupied with thoughts of the contest. The vehicle rattled down an old country road, and came to a halt in front of an iron gate that was open wide. The child rushed out excitedly to see what festivities were prepared for the big event. There, in a field, were several hundred people all gathered together, who had all come to see the shaggy dog contest of local fame.
Bright, colorful banners were set up all over, and booths had sprung up offering various treats and goodies for cheap. But the boy hardly noticed any of this, because the thing that caught his attention was a 20-foot-long table with about fourteen other dogs on display.
Most of these dogs looked as if their owners had neglected to groom them, and yet their coats were not too remarkably thick. 'None of them comes close to being as shaggy as mine,' the boy thought.
Seated at the table were three judges. They were inspecting the dogs lazily, yawning and coughing. One judge, who was overweight and had a cigarette dangling from his teeth, rolled his eyes up toward the boy and his dog, who were both approaching. The cigarette fell from his mouth to the ground as a look of disbelief came over his face. He poked his fellow judge, who looked to be the one in charge of the contest. When she looked at the dog, her eyes grew wide, but shrunk again quickly in an attempt to conceal her shock.
"That's quite the dog you have there, boy," she remarked. "I know, right?" the boy responded cheerfully. "Can I enter him into-" "Right away," the lady said, interuppting the boy, "just hand him to me." So the boy did just that.
The judges continued to examine his dog along with the others for another hour or so. While he was waiting, the boy went around shopping and eating anything his heart desired. Suddenly, he was caught off guard when he heard over a loudspeaker, "We have determined a winner!"
He hurried over to a humble stage, adorned with banners and littered with confetti. "WELCOME to the 45th Annual Local Shaggy Dog Contest!" the head judge said with mild enthusiasm. "We had some STRONG competition this year, but three dogs emerged as CLEAR winners." She turned around and ordered a small crew to bring a podium on stage.
A very shaggy dog with a ribbon marked "3" dashed up onto the podium, attracted by a small treat, carefully placed. The second place pooch approached its corresponding spot, immediately in succession. As the two dogs appeared onstage, a crowd gave the winners a humble applause.
"But the best in show, the one who STOLE the show, set a record for the SHAGGIEST dog we've ever seen in the history of this contest!" A look of awe came over the boy's face as he saw HIS dog waddle onstage. Now the crowd was really cheering. 'Wow,' the child thought to himself, 'I've never won anything like this before!"
"And the grand prize," the judge announced, "is a plane ticket to the statewide fair!"
Overnight, the boy became a local celebrity. His friends began to look at him differently, and even the adults in his life treated him with more respect. Unfortunately, this praise went to his head.
He was taking a walk one day when the old man yelled to him from across the street. "Hey sonny," he began, "I've got a little warning for-" "I don't need your help anymore," the boy interjected, running away. The old man, speechless, returned inside his home.
Soon, the child began began preparing to enter his dog into the statewide fair. Of course, this he did, without the slightest doubt that he might lose.
The big day came, even bigger than it was last time, and this time it took place right in the downtown of the big city. Far more people were there this time, doing far more than waiting to see who would win a shaggy dog contest. But as long as there was a contest, the boy had to enter.
He approached the judges with confidence. Unlike the previous judges, these guys meant business. Before the boy had got a word in, a tall, sharply dressed judge asked, "Are you entering your dog into the contest?" "Yes," the boy started, "ma'am, I-" "Give him over," she interrupted.
When the winners were ready to be announced, all the shaggy dog fans gathered around a well-lit stage. "We have three winners," the tall judge spoke firmly. Two dashing and well-groomed poodles pranced up onstage. Camera shutter noises filled the air. "But this winner," the judge said with a smirk, "was the winniest."
The boy looked at stage to see none other than HIS dog emerge triumphant once more. Everyone turned to look at him, patting him on the back, congratulating him, and some even offering handsome sum of cash for the dog. 'It's official,' the kid thought quietly, 'I guess me and my dog have made it big now.'
"And the grand prize," the judge announced, "is a plane ticket to the nationwide fair!" The boy, looking quite confused at how similar this prize was to the last, accepted it anyway.
Of course, now this kid was on a real winning streak. He began to be fatigued by the attention he had gotten by his dog, and was tiring of being a celebrity. But he thought it was too late for him to go back. So he entered into the nationwide contest out of a feeling of duty.
The boy, upon arriving to this fair, ignored all the festivities and went straight to the judges. "Take him," he said softly, then turned away.
The boy wasn't surprised to hear that he and his dog had won again. When a crowd of hundreds began encircling him, he decided not to indulge their interest in him, and slipped away quietly.
As he was leaving, the boy heard the judges say, "The grand prize is a plane ticket to the Worldwide Shaggy Dog Contest!"
At this point, the boy had grown to hate fame in any capacity, and wanted so desperately to return to the days when it was just him and his puppy playing together, without any care of what others thought. And the contests, in all their grandness, began to blur together. He considered bowing out of this shaggy dog tournament for good. But after some encouragement from those around him, he decided to enter it anyway.
"I've got hope," the kid thought, "Hope that I can do this. That if I do this, it'll be for the greater good."
Some time passed, and the boy found himself on a plane, headed for the site of the worldwide championship. He gave out autographs, shaggy dog bobbleheads, and other worthless plastic junk that the fans just ate up, praising him at every chance they got. Eager to escape, he made a beeline for the judges.
"Well hello, son," a judge said, greeting him, "we've heard so much about you!" "Here's my dog," the boy said. "Take good care of him." "We'll do just that," the judge replied. And they did.
The boy, though having gone through the same song and dance so many times, couldn't help but feel excited. If he won this, he would be #1 in the world, and would never have to enter another shaggy dog contest again. He bided his time until the loudspeaker came to life, announcing the winners.
"And in first place, we have a dog that caught the attention and captured the hearts of many," one of the judges announced. Several eyes turned to the boy. "This is a dog that did what nobody thought was possible. Within the shortest amount of time, he rose the ranks from a nobody, to #1!" A murmur began in the crowd.
"Attention! May I have your attention, ladies and gentlemen!" the judge continued. "This dog was owned by a boy. A boy who had no idea that he would be here, just three short months ago." Silence. Then, "Come up to the stage, Bobby Garibaldi!"
The boy gasped. "But-but my name's not Bobby Garabaldi?!"
A fat boy wearing a plastic carnation in his breast pocket, and an unbearably sumg grin on his face, proudly ascended the stairs leading up to the stage. His dog came to his side, and grasping the trophy, Bobby kissed it violently.
After the show, the boy ran with tears welling up in his eyes, to the judges. "Why?" he asked mournfully, "Why didn't my dog win?" A judge who he hadn't noticed before started to laugh insensitively. "Well, ya see, kid," he chuckled, "your dog just wasn't shaggy enough. Tough luck!"
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